I Didn't Have This Figured Out From Day One (And You Don't Have To Either)
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
The good news about not having it figured out? Every mistake is data for getting better.
I want to be clear about something: I didn't discover these principles in a book or learn them from a mentor. I learned them through less-than-desirable outcomes and wanting something different.
My parents divorced when I was 13. My closest example of marriage growing up was my grandparents, who came together for meals and bedtime but otherwise worked on separate projects. I never had healthy communication modeled for me.
When I got married, I had no blueprint for what a thriving family looked like. I had to figure out healthy communication, conflict resolution, and family leadership through trial and error. Mostly error at first.
I made plenty of mistakes, choosing work over presence, letting resentment build instead of addressing it, thinking that providing financially was enough. Each mistake taught me something valuable about what I actually wanted to build.
The difference wasn't that I was naturally good at this. The difference was that I didn't need to get punched very hard to learn my lesson and figure out how to make things better.
Some struggles will last a lifetime; that's just reality. But that's not an excuse to quit working at it. Every day is another chance to choose better, respond differently, and align your actions with your values.
You don't need perfect examples from your past to create something better for your future.
If you're reading this thinking, "I've already messed up too much" or "I don't know where to start," you're exactly where I was. The beautiful thing about family relationships is that they're incredibly resilient when you show up with genuine intention to improve.
Your kids don't need a perfect father; they need one who's committed to getting better. Your wife doesn't need a flawless husband; she needs one who learns from his mistakes and keeps choosing her.
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
What's one thing you could do differently today based on what you've learned from your mistakes?