Leading by Example vs. Leading by Lecture

Why your kids need to see you participate in the change

Don't get me wrong, there is a time for words, but words will fall short every time if they are not backed up by behavior.

One of my kids can't seem to hang up a hand towel to save his life. If all I did was hang it up for him without him witnessing it, I would spend the rest of my life hanging up his towels. Sometimes our kids need us to come alongside them and guide their behavior as well. To me, this means participating in the behavior change we want to see rather than just spouting it off from across the room.

The approach for each child will be different. One of my boys takes every critique as a personal attack on his very being, so he requires a different approach than my other son who can change his behavior after simply being asked to.

I explain to my kids that they won't always have teachers they get along with the same way I won't always have clients I get along with. It's important to learn resilience and the ability to see things from the other person's perspective. We are in charge of how much patience we have and how we respond to situations. Allowing others to control this because we are not in control of our emotions will lead to a life of frustration and finger-pointing.

I've known too many people who blame everything on other people, never taking responsibility for their own actions. This also used to be me.

Thinking about my struggles the other day, it is also important that we set our kids up for success. Their bodies need the same kind of care ours do in order to perform well. They need a good diet, adequate sleep, and frequent exercise. I encourage my kids in this way and try to lead by example.

Sure it's more enjoyable to eat and drink whatever you want, stay up late playing video games, and watch TV instead of being active, but that is not how you care for your body and your mind. Everybody is looking to pin their problems on something whether it be Red #40 or fluoride in the water. There certainly are a lot of things that are not good for our bodies, but if you don't have the basics covered, food dyes should be the least of your worries.

If I am feeling sluggish, I usually bring it up at some point during the day, especially if I have identified why. That way my kids are hearing about what affects me and what I am doing to fix it. The other day my daughter said, "Dad, you're probably feeling sluggish because you haven't eaten much protein lately." She was right. Solid accountability.

I'm not great at always leading by example. It's much easier to use words from wherever I'm sitting, and with kids, that usually doesn't help the situation. I need to make sure I have enough mental bandwidth left over to lead by example, and that means taking care of myself so that I have enough gas in the tank to be there for my kids.

If all I do is correct them with words, eventually, they won't want to be within earshot of me. If they don't want to be around me, they won't be able to observe the behavior I am trying to get them to apply to their own lives.

What behavior change do you need to start participating in instead of just talking about?