What Your Kids Really Learn from Watching You Work
Why modeling matters more than lecturing
There are some days where work runs a bit late. It used to happen more than it does now. I'd be in the middle of something on a client's website that had to be finished, or a server was having issues. I can't just walk away from those problems.
Last night I was a few minutes late to dinner because I was migrating a client's website to a new server and it took longer than expected. Her site was down while I migrated and dinner was ready. Thankfully, I finished and was able to join my family before they were done eating.
My family knows that I don't want to miss out on dinner together or any other activities. I always spend a moment explaining what I was up to, even though they might not care. I want them to know that I was serving a need someone else had and that I was the solution to their problem. I want them to see a problem solver. I want them to know that I was handling something important and that was the only reason I was late. They know that it frustrates me when it happens unexpectedly.
There are times when I will need to work more. I may miss a chance to go to the lake for the day or have to arrive late.
There are also times when I am not very effective and I need to walk away from work. Rather than turn to my phone, I will go color with my daughter or see what my boys are up to. If they are in school, I might go have a cup of coffee with my wife. If nobody's around, I might even take a 30-minute nap.
During the summer, my kids get to see more of me as I mostly work from my home office. Though sometimes distracting, I like hearing their voices throughout the house.
As a father, you don't always know what your kids are noticing until you see it in their own behavior. I can tell my kids what to do, but they need to see it modeled for them.
I hope that they see a hardworking father who is intentional in trying to be available to them even during his work hours. A father who is doing work on himself to maximize his own personal productivity so that when distractions occur, it doesn't ruin his focus for the day. A father who handles stressful situations with clients well and doesn't point fingers or make excuses.
I want them to see that you can have autonomy over your daily schedule and that there is an alternative to an 8-5 workday, not that there is anything wrong with it for those who need the structure.
Recently, I noticed my oldest son changing his eating and fitness behaviors. I have been on my health and fitness journey alone, choosing better foods and increased physical activity that everybody else was not on board with. They would make comments about my food choices. Now my oldest is trying to eat more like I do and has started lifting weights in our basement. He hasn't asked me a thing about them, but he is mimicking what he has seen in my behavior.
That is a huge reminder for me that my kids are watching and will mimic my behavior, so it's important that my behavior be worth mimicking.
Your kids are learning more from watching how you handle pressure, serve others, and balance priorities than from any lecture you could give them.
What behavior are you modeling that you hope they'll adopt? What might you need to change?